Alias Big Brother Day One
by Sam Vicky Ryan
Summary: Day One In the Big Brother House The Housemates Arrive
1. Chapter 1

**Authors: AmandaC & VRyan**

**Title:Alias Big Brother**

**Day one**

"Welcome everyone to the big brother house I'm Davina McCall, on with the show"

**There's a rumbling backstage a gun shot is heard………**

**Then silence…...**

"Ok let's meet our illustrious housemates"

**Loud applause……………………….**

"Our first housemate is former SD6/CIA double agent…yes ladies and gentleman you guessed………Agent Jack Bristow"

**Loud applause followed by wolf whistles…….Jack turns and is hit on the face by some underwear. He smiles seductively at Davina, winks and enters the house.**

"Moving on our next housemate. Yep its Jacks son-in-law CIA's very own hunky, Michael Vaughan."

**Ridiculously loud applause followed by even more underwear being chucked.**

"House mate number three Ladies and gentleman former head of SG6, Arvin Sloane"

**There's no applause and no underwear is thrown.**

"Give it up for Agent Sydney Bristow"

**Loud Screaming and applause then several members of the audience lunge forward (male members) and are hauled back by security.**

"Housemate number five ladies and gentleman Mr Sark"

**Several women in the audience pass out at this stage and are helped off the premises by medics.**

"Our final house mate ladies and gentlemen is the lady who put oomph into killing yep lets hear it for former KGB agent and America's most wanted terrorist, Ms Irina Derevko"

**Derevko smiles and is approached cautiously by Davina**

"So Ms Derevko, I heard a gunshot backstage any idea what that was"

"Yes, my husband Jack, Technically Jack and I were still married, well he decided to Kill Arvin he shot and missed"

**Jack backstage is cringing at the fact that it's known publicly that he is married to a psychopath**

"I see, thank you Irina. I hope you enjoy your stay in the big brother house"

"Oh I will" Derevko enters the Big Brother house

**Applause followed by several male members of the audience passing out and being removed by medics**

**End Chapter One**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alias Big Brother**

**Chapter Two**

Day Two in the Big Brother House….………

**Announcement from Big Brother**

_Unlisted Commentator "Ladies and gentleman and Housemates just to let you all know Davina McCall has been evicted from the series. Yes we chucked her skinny ass out. Ok folks she's pretty but we needed a heavy hitter. Someone, who isn't afraid to get down and dirty when the going gets tough. Her replacement will arrive later today in the form of Jerry Springer"_

**Loud applause and cheering, from outside the Big Brother House.**

Inside the House Jack is very depressed. He was hoping to have his wicked way with Davina given half a chance. Jerry Springer just didn't do it for jack.

Irina was sat on one of the Large Yellow couches with her feet up.

"Well Jack you won't be getting any there unless you have decided you like men"

"Shut up Irina or I'll have to shoot you"

"Give it your best shot sweetheart. Remember you missed Arvin. You're not going to kill me in front of our daughter"

Jack turned to Syd and sighed.

"Lucky this time Derevko"

"I know how much you love me really Jack".

**With that the Camera panned around the room resting on a close up of Derevko who had a sickly sweet grin on her face.**

**Jack visibly cringed and took a step back hitting a chair and landing on his ass.**

**All the other house mates laughed at this.**

"This is Big Brother would Irina please report to the Diary Room?"

**Derevko got up walked into the Diary Room and shut the door after her.**

"Ok! What do you want?"

"How would you like to win a night of passion with the man of your choice?"

"You are joking right?"

"Big Brother never jokes"

"Oh yea sure"

"Put on the ear phones Irina"

**Derevko picked up ear phones and put them on.**

"Hello Irina, How are you?"

"Jerry Springer, this is very cool, I am a big fan of yours"

"You like me?"

"You're not as irritating as some chat show hosts. At least your show is violent and indiscriminate. I like the fact that you destroy people's lives. Oh yes my idea of fun. What do you want Jerry?"

"A side from you?"

"You flatter me. Now answer the question?"

"I love a woman taking charge getting involved"

"I promise you Jerry you would not like my version of getting involved. The question?"

"Well this is embarrassing but I was wondering if when this is over I could avail of your services?"

"You want me to kill you?"

"No one of my rivals on the network"

"Well fuck me, and I don't mean that literally. Who were you wanting dead?"

"No names" (Little did Irina know but Big Brother had put Jerry up to his request, though in all fairness the thought might have crossed his mind)

"I think I like you Jerry even more than I had previously. I will think about it and let you know when all of this is over"

"Great I'll put the champagne on ice"

"You do that"

**Ms Derevko you haven't answered Big Brother's question. **

"Right. No thanks I wouldn't sleep with any of the men. You will just have to bring in some tastier morsels or send in Jerry. I like the way he thinks"

"Big Brother will mention it to him"

Jack is lying on the couch feeding himself grapes.

Arvin is sulking in the corner coz Jack got to the grapes before he could poison them. Sark is sat at the far end of Jack's couch with his head between his legs..

Big Brother pans around checking all of the camera's eventually stopping at Camera Ten

"**And Yes. The first bit of nookie in the Big Brother house. Vaughan and Sydney are going for broke in the bed that will later this evening be occupied by Jack Bristow Big Brother hopes they change the sheets when they are done…"……….**

**End Chapter Two…**


End file.
